Day 1... Again

Seems like I only blog when Bob is gone so guess what?!? Time to blog again. Life has thrown some interesting curves at us. Last November we moved to Missouri. We thought this was going to be the opportunity of a lifetime and we were so excited to make Missouri our home.  60 days after starting his new job was let go, by some miracle he was able to find a new job within two weeks time and start working in Ozark Missouri.  Can lightning strikes twice? I guess it can. 90 days after starting his new job he was let go once again.  We were already scheduled to leave for a family reunion soon so we decided to trek across country searching for jobs. He was able to schedule an interview for a company in Utah that he had interviewed for two years previous.  After a rapid interviewing process he was able to land a job with Layton construction.  He has wanted to work for this company for some time so this was a blessing. But this presented the next challenge, moving back to the west.  So Bob drove us all back out to Missouri and spent a few days to some things in order.  Now this morning I sat on the front steps and waved goodbye as I saw him drive away.  A few tears were shed because we don't like being apart.  We belong together and we like it that way. :)  so now begins date one of us being apart for who knows how long.  I get to take care of kids, pack up the house, and clean it all up.  Thank goodness half of the house is still in boxes. :-)  so this is the beginning of our adventure. I'm sure will be fine and I'm sure will learn a lot. I'm sure we will grow. I'm sure we will cry. I'm sure we will laugh. I know will make memories. And I know we will become stronger.  So let the adventure begin as the sun rises on day one of being apart.

Time to Move Forward

I realized that I have been excited to share personal information about my family on Facebook but that I haven't sat down and recorded and shared it in a more intimate environment.  I am not expecting my Blog to make me famous but I would like to share some of our meanderings, funny moments and those moments where it feels like the Lord has taken our hearts and raised them to a higher level of being.

We have recently decided that we are a family that ACTS instead of being acted upon. This is bringing some amazing emotional changes.  Things are getting done and our life is moving forward in a positive direction.

This last week was an interesting step for me into unknown territory.  My baby turned 1!  We have determined that Hazel will be our last child.  I found myself having a panic attack!  I have dreamed of being a mother forever!  Now that I decided that I am done procreating, I am realizing that at some point there will be a life without kids in the house.  What will I do then?  Have I ever thought about what I wanted to do AFTER I had kids?  So I am on the ever going quest of self discovery.  If you would like to join me I am asking myself 25 questions to really ponder on.  One day for 25 days.  Dig deep, ponder and record.  I am!

In order to play catch up here are the questions I have done so far: (questions courtesy of "TJed for Teens")

#1) Do I use ingenuity to overcome problems even big ones, or do I get frustrated ad give up or just expect someone to bail me out?
#2)Do I allow myself to get bored, or do I take charge of my time and stay happily engaged in doing good?
#3)Do I complain or whine, or do I let go of frustrating things and focus on doing good?
#4)Do I know I have a great mission in life and that to do it I'll need a great education, and am I taking action to get a truly great education?

Today's:
#5) Do I take initiative and do whatever needs to be done or that I want to do, or am I constantly thinking about my inability or waiting for others to lead out?

And a Little Child Shall Lead Them

I just wanted to record this for Hannah.

This last weekend we were attending a family reunion. It was wonderful to see cousins and sisters again. We stayed up really late every night and played games, my favorite thing to do with family. By the time Sunday rolled around, we were beat. Someone was sick and another person forgot their Sunday clothes and it was looking like we were all going to be spending Sunday at home. I am not proud of the fact that Bob and I were wavering. We were getting ready to discuss whether we were going to go attend church or not when Hannah came down stairs in her Sunday clothes. Bob and I looked at each other and our decision was made. We hurried and got everyone dressed and ready. To my amazement, a good portion of the family was dressed and ready to go to church as well. I was so proud of my little girl! Her actions and obedience influenced more people then she will ever realize. All I could think was "And a little child shall lead them." That she shall.

Day 20 Something: Catch up

It is time for some catch up! No, not Ketchup, catch up! I have been so busy writing my old journal entries, which I find fascinating, that I have failed to keep caught up on my life! SO here we go!

Funny quote of the week: (Bethany) "Mom! Look at Ben's bum! It is like a caterpillar!" Should I be worried about this new observation???

We decided that it is time to potty train Bethany! Dumm dum dum dum!

This a picture of all the snacks that I got for the "Potty Party!"

I HATE potty training, I wish they would just do it on their own. I figured now that I have older kids the younger ones would just naturally "get it". Well, Bethany will be 4 in July. She can now describe to me the cycle of day and night but she can't go to the bathroom in the toilet. I gave in and decided to try. So I prepared for the Bathroom party and bought everything salty I could find in the store. We spent the whole day watching movies and eating crud. My bathroom looked like a bomb went off at the end of the day. It was "eh ok" sucessful. This week has been filled with wet carpets, bedding and underwear. We have had a little bit of sucess but a lot of "uh oh"'s! She keeps telling me "I am done with the toilet Mom, can I have a diaper now?" I am hoping it will "click" soon. Ben has joined the effort, but only when he wants a gummy bear. I am leaving him for Bob.

We had one of our famous May snowstorms. Which is slightly depressing but it gave the grass and garden a good watering!

This is the tree that had all the blossoms on it. The snow was so wet that it weighed the branches down the to ground.

I took Ben to the Dr. this day, to make sure he didn't have any broken legs. (He had jumped off the dresser 2 days previously) He was being such a boy that I had to record it!

Here are some more videos:

This one is of Ben and Beth playing "blocks". I was trying to catch Ben in the act of singing "tomorrow" but it is cute footage still.

This is Molly's Bday song. I love that Ben is singing soooo loudly!

This one is of Ben and Bethany playing guns. I seriously don't know where they got the idea to play guns. They have been rough housing A LOT lately. Throwing each other on the ground and laughing. My favorite part of this is where Beth says "It's my turn to die!"

Day 16: Continue

More old journal entries:

1-19-01: "Okay, Bob woke me up by knocking on the door. He came in and started breakfast (I love that he still makes breakfast for us. The kids are breakfast deprived without him around) It was fun just to watch him work. He was wearing his glasses so he looked SOOOO cute! (I loved his glasses but they didn't love me. After I broke them several times we decided that lasik was the best option) I got ready. Joseph woke up so I watched movies with him. I think I was trying too hard to be cute with him cause I know how much Bob loves children. But it would really touch me when Joseph would come up to me and sit in my lap. I really do love little children. (Thank goodness!) Bob gave Joseph a breakfast sandwich to eat. Joseph had this cute blank stare, I think he was still half asleep. (As the years went on I found out that Joe is just really shy. He would talk when Bob was around but if I came around the corner he would immediately be quiet. One of my favorite memories is when we went to visit and Bob was sick with hives. All of a sudden Uncle Bob was not available to play. Joe opened up to me and we started playing dinosaurs, it was so much fun!) We hit the road...We took the long way to Shoshone, through Pocatello. Bob gave me the tour of Shoshone, it is very small....We got to his house and it looks really small from the front. I was SO nervous! This must be what it is like to meet your in laws! His mom, Ladonna, was the only one here. She came up and hugged me, it was so cute! I then met Ross, who was out helping neighbors, his dad. Ladonna was baking cookies, yumm! A picture perfect homemaker. Soon after, I met the boys Adam (17) and Jon (16 or 15) (I know, I know it's John. But I wrote it Jon in my journal). Adam plays the piano and has a genuinely funny personality. Jon looks ALOT like Bob. We all sat around laughing and talking. His Dad, Ross, is a funny good guy. I was expecting someone strict and scary. ( I had dated some guys in the past where I felt like their dad was watching everything I did. So I was scared I was going to say "crap" and get yelled at for using a cuss word in Bob's house. Thank goodness it was a very easy going trip.) The girls, Christina (15 or 14) and Anna (14 or 13), finally got home from a Young Women's thing. Christina is a sweet girl with a love for music. Anna is funny, outgoing, and cute. We packed up and went to Hagerman to the warm springs. The water was great! I was still having a hard time being comfortable with Bob and not Elder Gedeborg. I must admit I WAS checking him out a lot though! :) (Well, apparently he was checking me out too. Years later I heard this story from his sister Becky. When he got back from the trip she had questioned him about me. She asked what I looked like etc. His response was "Um, she has an orange bathing suit") We played copy cat on the diving board! IT was great! Then I tried to dunk Bob. I finally got him. By this time I was getting a little more comfortable and touchy. I didn't want to be too flirty though. We went and played B-Ball. Oh! I dunked Adam too! hehe He was asking for it. (Man I was quite mean back then.) We then went to the kiddy pool. We ended up sitting and talking. I was looking in his eyes better. The whole time praying for guidance and answers from my Father above. Finally we got out and got dressed. We went into this side room to eat and Ladonna had this huge spread! (To this day I describe Mom as Mary Poppins, she just kept pulling more and more stuff out of her bag!) Hoagie sandwiches with anything imaginable to put on top. I just gazed in awe at this great little family. That is what I want!

We went out to the car to go home and one car was dead and the hood of the other wouldn't pop! We got some guy to jump it, meanwhile me and Anna were discussing which direction the geese were flying. We were getting in the car and Bob was going to drive again. I was worried he would fall asleep and I knew I was tired. His Dad offered to drive and Bob gladly took the offer. I was happy because we got to ride in the back together. Our first alone time. Bob said I could lay on him 'I'm not a missionary anymore.' I was wary but I laid my hear on his shoulder. I didn't want to hold his arm or anything because I didn't know what he was thinking and I kept going 'Friends, friends, friends' in my head. My neck was getting stiff quick because I was so uptight. So I moved to his lap. I fell asleep ( I felt so safe and comfortable).We got home and went inside to watch my home movies, Veggie Tales"Ultimate Silly Songs" and V.T. Ester. I wanted to sit next to Bob but Adam was laying on him so I took the little couch. After we were done I was going to write in my journal but Bob was around. I have been confused and impatient about an answer. I love his family. Ladonna and the girls hugged me goodnight. they seemed genuinely glad to have me here. I fit in here! It's amazing. Ross told me in focus (Focus is part of FHE where everyone says something nice about you) tonight that I fit right in with their oddness. :) That REALLY means a lot to me. Especially from a Father. (I can say to myself that I love him, not too deep yet but it's there, but I fear he doesn't love me back.) "

I wish I still kept journals the way I did back then. It is so fun to go back and look at my feelings. It truly shows you the hand of God in your life. This next entry is from my spiritual journal.

I was studying my Patriarchal Blessing, which is a very sacred blessing that we receive. So I will not be sharing specifics, but I love the feelings I was having at the time. I have always been scared that my husband will die on me. Ask Bob, I still have a problem with this. So this is what I was feeling at this time as well. "I don't want my husband to die on me. I KNOW he is great and I cannot imagine raising my family without him. I now think of Bob. If he is the one, he would bring so much life to the house and joy in my life, how could I live without it?"

Now I was pondering on my friends and the influences they have in my life. "I pick a lot of bad ones, but also a lot of great ones too! :) (Bob) He makes me happy, he brings the spirit with him always. He ceases to amaze me and comfort my soul with his presence. I just want to know! Is he the one! Why can't I know? or am I not listening? Am I not supposed to know? Maybe I am so scared and prepared fro it to be wrong that I TRUELY wont let it be right. Maybe."

"I looked at him today and thought 'He's so young, is he really ready for marriage?' (Could he put up with me?) Right now the words of my dream came to me 'wait for me'. (When I was 13 I had a dream about my Eternal Companion) I promised I would but I am soooo sick of waiting! I am selfish but VERY VERY VERY tired of waiting (I was what? 19?) At least let me know if it's right or lead this relationship in the right direction! Or is he already working on doing that? JUST TRUST! How hard can it be?"

Wow! I was a woman full of conflict it seems.

"Did the Holy Ghost lead me to WV? Yes. Was it right? Yes. Was it for a reason? Yes. Do I know that reason? Part of me wants to say yes but I can't bring myself to say the word for fear that the spirit won't reassure me of it. He (Bob) is definitely sweet and I know he would take me to the temple. - It says I will know in my heart but it doesn't say anything about my mind. My spirit knows it, why can't i? or does it? - I know he would love me, care for me, help me, and support our children. - I can see my joy being truly joyous with him too. He would love me and I would know it simply in the way he looked at me. or by the touch of the hand. But I can't make him love me! (AHH! JUST BE FRIENDS!) - I know our house would be one of spirit and preparation. He makes me want to live a better life. I can see the faithful, ideal me, living the way I want with this man! - I wonder if I had a problem with patience in the pre-existence too?"

I love all of the qualities that I saw back then. I love my husband and he has made all of my dreams a reality! Thank you honey!

Tired again, so this will just go on and on until I am done :)

Day 16: Happy 9th Anniversary Sweetheart

I was going to make this a big blog with pictures of us through the years. So you can see us when we were skinnier and when Bob had more hair! But I just haven't been able to get my act together so this will have to do.

First of all, how did I celebrate my 9th Wedding Anniversary? I went and did Baptisms in St. George with my sister and then I went to an Institute class on Eternal Marriage. Over all I think I did a pretty good job of remembering my covenants today. And the break away from home was really helpful! I feel like a new mom.

I can't believe it has been 9 years! Time flies when your in love. I have said this all day and I will say it again, I made the BEST decision of my life 9 years ago. I wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING.

So here is our story, I have done some journal searching so this should be fun:

We met in the hills of West Virginia. He was a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I moved out to live with my Dad for a time. It really was one of the best times of my life, I grew so much while I was there. Bob was serving in our area (Elkins, WV) and I remember thinking that he was cute, but missionaries are "HANDS OFF". While I was there we were able to work together in the Nursery and to have spiritual conversations. I was impressed by his knowledge and our ability to talk to each other, but that is as far as it went. When I returned to school, SUU, my Dad (Papa) told Bob that I might like a letter. Well, I got one! And I was shocked!

7/9/01: "Today I got a letter from Elder Bob Gedebourgh. (From WV) I was jumping up and down! He sent me pictures and everything! Man, he is cute! hehehe!"

We wrote until his mission was finished. I enjoyed talking to him but I thought he was too "good" for me. And that I was too "wild" for him. That December he called me while I was visiting my family in WV. (I was the first girl he had called)

(One of Bob's letters to me) "Keep in touch and I'll do the same. If I get your phone number I'll give you a call after I get home! (Dec 15)"

Well, before I left WV after Christmas break, my Dad tried to talk some sense into me. I love my Dad, he was very inspired at this time. (This is about a therapy session Papa and I had together)

1-3-02:" Somethings coming. I will find him! Yes, my mate. My soul companion! VERY soon! And I will know without a doubt. Like I've never felt before. I will live in a place similar to Elkins but with a better spiritual environment! Small town here I come! My husband will be on a high spiritual plane, equal or slightly higher. But we will raise and grow together. Could this really be Bob Gedeborg? I am happy even when thinking of him. All worries wash away and Papa helped me to see that he's one of the only people that I could truly be myself around. Only time will tell. But I anxiously away seeing him later this month. I know it will be great....When I told Papa I was ready to go home he said his first thought was 'of course, someone is waiting for you.' Bob?...I have a strong feeling I will recognize [the spirit] in Bob. If I can get over the name I will be okay. Bob....but the more I say it the more it grows on me. But I need to be prepared that it might not be Bob. But I can see myself happy, eternally happy with him."

1/6/02: "Later when I was relaxing Bob (Elder Gedeborg) called me back. It was so great to hear his voice and laugh. We shared old memories and I learned a lot about him... I found out that he likes to snowboard and ski, he has been skydiving, and he likes to cliff jump! That was such a smack in the face! I was dumbfounded! My only flaw for Bob no longer existed! So far he is perfect! Did you hear that! PERFECT! Kinda Scary! hehehe I asked him about the 'Little Mermaid' thing and he laughed. He was actually 15 years old and snuck to the Nursery to see it! Wow, what a rebel. Funny thing is that I have this urge to say 'That's my boy.' He's not my boy! I haven't even seen him yet. Way too ahead of yourself Amanda. He seemed to be flirting with me and it was so cute. We were talking about how if a girl likes a missionary and flirts, he will get transfered but if she is cool about it he will be around a while. Without thinking I was all 'that works' so I had to cover it up or hint more, not sure which, with a 'not like I would know'. I wonder if he could tell I had a thing for him? Then we were talking about college wards and I was all 'Yeah, now tons of girls will pick up on you' or something like that and he's all 'if it makes you feel better. I went to a college ward last week and didn't like it. Too much of a meat market. I got molested by all the eyes.' Did you catch that 'if it makes you feel better.' :) That has gotta mean something. Like that he's interested. Oh I hope so! He's everything into one! Good with kids, sweet, funny, respectful, totally spiritual, cute :), adventurous, likes small towns! Woo hoo! I hung up the phone and cried. All of my worries were gone. All my questions answered. I had to tell Papa too. He just laughed. Maybe at my lack of faith. Well, only time will tell! :) I can't wait for him to call me again and I can't wait for Martin Luther King Jr. Weekend!"

I look back and these entries and think, what a goob! But it is funny to look on it with hindsight and see how much of this was true.

1/7/02: "All day all I thought of was Bob Gedeborg and how happy I am that he's perfect."

1/18/02: "Well, today was the day. I got into the car and I drove to Logan....I get to Logan and Bob's sister, Sarah, appears later and we talked for over an hour before the guys got home. Their little boy, Joseph, is so cute! Lars and Bob finally came home at 1:30 am! I got really nervous! He came in said 'Hi' and opened his arms for a hug! That was nice. Sarah and Lars stayed up with us till 2 and we told stories and laughed. It was great. They are so nice to me. I am worried about impressing them but I need to be me and the same time. They wend to bed and me and Bob talked for a while. I ransacked his wallet! One time when we were talking I just looked at him and thought 'this could be the man I spend the rest of my life with.' I have a hard time looking him in the eyes. Maybe I am scared of what I will see. My goal is to face my fear and look to see. He gave me a hug again before he went to bed. He is such a sweet guy. He looks good in real clothes too! :) He still has that really cute childish sparkle in his eye when he gets excited. We will see how tomorrow goes! I am kinda scared to meet his family@ And I am scared of the high dive and 'the log'. I need to be myself and not try to impress. I thank the Lord for giving me this chance. And I pray for his guidance. And His presence to be known. Papa last night kept making comments like 'Anson's favorite picture is the one of him and Uncle Bob.' (We later realized it would be brother in law) Papa thought I had said I had slept with him but I assured him I did not intend to and Dad added 'YET!' I blushed soooo bad! Papa says that he feels like he is pushing this one on me and he kind of is. We both agreed I need to find out on my own. I will admit that the spirit is there between us, I just need to figure out what it means."

What's funny is I read all of these qualities, like the sparkle in his eyes, and these are things that I still treasure the most. I love to see him genuinely smile, it makes my day!

I need some sleep so part 2, tomorrow.

Day 13: What a weekend!

Aye, aye, aye! What a weekend. I will try to only bother you with the interesting details of my weekend. Friday, my doorknob broke off my bedroom door. Problem was my door was closed so I was locked out. Thank goodness my Uncle Brian came over to help. Our only option ended up being climbing through my bedroom window and unscrewing the mechanisim from the inside. Even then we couldn't get it to budge so he slipped the hinges. But for some reasons the hinges were TIGHT. He had to get the channel locks out and throw his weight against it before they would even budge! I thought the whole door frame was going to come off! Finally we got that taken care of. I have no doorknob but I don't really have a NEED for privacy right now. :)

Saturday rolls along and here I am looking at the yard feeling VERY overwhelmed! How can I take care of both the yard AND the house. The kids were no help and every bribe was in vain. I just feel like there is so much to do alone! I miss sending Bob outside with the kids and being able to whip through the house alone. To make matters worse, we were watching Little House on the Prarie that morning. It was the episode where Pa has to walk 100 miles to find work so that he can get enough money for them to last through the winter. While he is gone Ma gathers the wheat from the field and threshes it by hand so that they can have enough flour to feed the family. So here I am feeling overwhelmed with the garden, yard and house but realizing that Ma had it much worse than I do. I felt guilty for murmuring but I still wanted to murmur anyway. At least I get to talk to Bob everyday and see his face on Skype. Back then they were lucky to get letters once a week.

I didn't end up getting much done in the yard but I got my bedroom and bathroom clean, it feels so good to have MY space! I was attempting to catch up on laundry when Megan comes running in going "Emergency! Water is flowing down the cubbord!" Sure enough the kitchen sink was leaking all over the floor. My Dad had come by earlier and fixed my disposal and in the process must have dislodged the p-trap. With Bob's help I fixed it myself but that was the last straw. There was so much nasty stuff to clean up! I sat down and cried. Meanwhile my neighbor came by to check on me, since she had missed my phone call earlier. I was so embarassed! Here I am bawling next to the kitchen sink! Bethany was running around naked cause I had been doing baths and my house looks like a bomb went off! Thank goodness she has 9 kids so she completely understands! Her husband came over and had a second look at the sink, we are hoping it holds till Bob gets home.

Today, I was pretty proud of myself, we all got to church before the ending of the opening hymn! Yay for me! Church went by without a hitch. When church got out I ended up loosing some kids. I had sent all the kids out to the car but Hannah ended up staying with my cause she was talking to me and I went to retrieve Ben from the nursery. I get Ben out to the car and only Hannah is there! I put Ben, Hannah and Emma in the car and go off to look for the other 3. I am looking all over the building and I find Megan, but where are the other 2! I was so upset that she left the others by themselves, but she was so scared that I couldn't stay mad long. To make a long story short, some people from our ward found them and helped us to reconnect. I was scared and tired by the time the ordeal was over.

I got to talk to Bob this afternoon and then we went to my Aunt Robyn and Uncle Mikes for dinner. We were celebrating the May Birthdays, which includes Molly.

I can't believe my little girl is turning 5!

Molly had been telling me all day about her "secret" and how she was getting a Tangled Music Box. I thought she was making this up but sure enough Molly ended up getting a Tangled Music CARD from Grandma. She was soooo excited. Ben kept trying to steal it because he LOVES things like that. Molly doesn't want to let it out of her sight and I can see how it will become a source of contention tomorrow. She also received a present that shows my families humor. Molly is getting a pillow pet, but it hasn't come yet so they gave her a picture of the pet.